Do you ever wonder how two people can go from promises of forever to complete strangers?

I remember the first night we met. You cooked for me.

The tender grilled chicken that I could pull apart with my teeth, the lemony crisp asparagus awakening my taste buds, the creamy potatoes gracefully sliding down my throat, and that sweet ruby red wine that I could first feel in my arms. Our eyes locking from across the table, I could feel my heart banging against the walls in my chest that I’d built up the past 18 years. Baby, come set me free. 

I think sometimes I let my passion consume me.

I’m sorry if I told you I loved you a little too much. But how could I not? I’m sorry for sitting outside your front door in the midst of the night begging for you to let me surrender my soul to you in return for your forgiveness. Baby, please open the door. I’m sorry for that one time I told you I wish I would’ve never even met you. You know I didn’t mean that.

But that’s what we do. We throw stones at the most delicate parts of one another shattering any love to ever exist. All we had left to share was our bodies. Hopeless empty vessels searching for love in the darkest places of eachother.

But I warned you. I warned you how dangerous of a woman I can be. How if you pushed me far enough, I would collapse into a state of immunity. How I would become so numb and distant from your fruitless attempts at making me feel like any less of the woman I was born to be. How one day when there’s nothing left to fight for and no fight left in me, I would walk away. And not the kind of walk away where I lay in bed praying to God you realize nothing in this world is worth losing me. The kind where I wake up half reminiscing on almost becoming apart of your whole-hearted family half memorizing the vacancy you filled my soul with. The kind where every morning I prayed to God today would be easier than the last. Where every day I wondered how I’d get through the night. To now when I can feel that sweet ruby red wine invite itself into my bloodstream and for a split second your name crosses my mind, it doesn’t sting like it used to. I thank the heavens for drawing you out of me. The closer I got to you, the further away I got from myself.

No person is ever worth losing yourself for.